Today's Action: Day 9 Results!
Game 1:
Lunar Platoon (Gibby/Morgan) vs. Ted Nougat (Adam/Guido)
Adam's heretofore unseen slamming prowess was nothing that anyone would have predicted. I'll give you that. But let's talk about Guido.
A year and a month ago, Guido served up some magic that was not to be believed. (Click here to refresh your memory.) We know for a fact that Morgan is from the Moon, but we still haven't determined the identity of Guido's home planet. And we know that he's not from here because he pulled that shit again! With the scores hovering closely together, somewhere around 5-5, Lunar Platoon was putting the finishing touches on a rally by pinpointing a shot where nobody could possibly return it, much less have hope for returning it in play. Well, where no human could return it, anyway. Guido glided in on silent jets to a location alongside the net, yet under the height of the table, aligned himself parallel to Earth's horizon, returned the shot on an angle only one degree different than the through-line of the net, and landed the ball in play on the very opposite side of the table. Physics would normally mount an argument against such a shot happening, but there were no sensors documenting the impossible shot so we can't prove it didn't happen, even though we all know that it didn't. For Morgan to have even reached that shot to return it, he also would have had to have been raised on Guido's planet and been traveling at a speed that would not have allowed him to stop until he went through all of the spectators and both front and rear walls to the Clyde building.
At that point, there was no winning for Lunar Platoon. They were beaten by a higher species and they knew it.
Ted Nougat over Lunar Platoon
21-11
Game 2:
Lollipop Guild (JBrown/JParm) vs. Junkiebone (Joel/Doug)
Things you just shouldn't do:
1. Tug on Superman's cape.
2. Spit into the wind.
3. Pull the mask off the Lone Ranger.
4. Mess around with Slim.
5. Quote Jim Croce songs, because it's going to make you seem like a relic.
6. Spot Junkiebone 6 points at the start of the game.
We've seen this sort of behavior from our old pal JBrown before. Somewhere during rally he goes funny. Maybe it's from playing too close to JParm 5000's fusion core; his equilibrium gets cocked up. Maybe booze would help. I don't know. Whatever it was, he was having some difficulty at the table.
Anyway, and remarkably, Lollipop Guild battled back, pulling to 9-10 at one point. Ye gods! Someone makes a joke, you laugh, pee your pants, and all of a sudden it's nearly tied. Just proves that you must pay attention at all times, kids. It's no joke out there. Stay in school. And bring a spare pair of chonies.
Where was I?
Right, so the Guild stormed back valiantly, but (and this is huge) they were never able to take the lead or even tie. To me, it felt like Junkiebone was in control the entire game, in spite of the tighter scores. It was their game to lose and they didn't botch it. They even had a spare point or two at the end for Joel to threaten a 100-mph pill shot.
Junkiebone over Lollipop Guild
21-17
Lunar Platoon (Gibby/Morgan) vs. Ted Nougat (Adam/Guido)
Adam's heretofore unseen slamming prowess was nothing that anyone would have predicted. I'll give you that. But let's talk about Guido.
A year and a month ago, Guido served up some magic that was not to be believed. (Click here to refresh your memory.) We know for a fact that Morgan is from the Moon, but we still haven't determined the identity of Guido's home planet. And we know that he's not from here because he pulled that shit again! With the scores hovering closely together, somewhere around 5-5, Lunar Platoon was putting the finishing touches on a rally by pinpointing a shot where nobody could possibly return it, much less have hope for returning it in play. Well, where no human could return it, anyway. Guido glided in on silent jets to a location alongside the net, yet under the height of the table, aligned himself parallel to Earth's horizon, returned the shot on an angle only one degree different than the through-line of the net, and landed the ball in play on the very opposite side of the table. Physics would normally mount an argument against such a shot happening, but there were no sensors documenting the impossible shot so we can't prove it didn't happen, even though we all know that it didn't. For Morgan to have even reached that shot to return it, he also would have had to have been raised on Guido's planet and been traveling at a speed that would not have allowed him to stop until he went through all of the spectators and both front and rear walls to the Clyde building.
At that point, there was no winning for Lunar Platoon. They were beaten by a higher species and they knew it.
Ted Nougat over Lunar Platoon
21-11
Game 2:
Lollipop Guild (JBrown/JParm) vs. Junkiebone (Joel/Doug)
Things you just shouldn't do:
1. Tug on Superman's cape.
2. Spit into the wind.
3. Pull the mask off the Lone Ranger.
4. Mess around with Slim.
5. Quote Jim Croce songs, because it's going to make you seem like a relic.
6. Spot Junkiebone 6 points at the start of the game.
We've seen this sort of behavior from our old pal JBrown before. Somewhere during rally he goes funny. Maybe it's from playing too close to JParm 5000's fusion core; his equilibrium gets cocked up. Maybe booze would help. I don't know. Whatever it was, he was having some difficulty at the table.
Anyway, and remarkably, Lollipop Guild battled back, pulling to 9-10 at one point. Ye gods! Someone makes a joke, you laugh, pee your pants, and all of a sudden it's nearly tied. Just proves that you must pay attention at all times, kids. It's no joke out there. Stay in school. And bring a spare pair of chonies.
Where was I?
Right, so the Guild stormed back valiantly, but (and this is huge) they were never able to take the lead or even tie. To me, it felt like Junkiebone was in control the entire game, in spite of the tighter scores. It was their game to lose and they didn't botch it. They even had a spare point or two at the end for Joel to threaten a 100-mph pill shot.
Junkiebone over Lollipop Guild
21-17
posted by Rally Chimp at 5:11 PM
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