Tippett Studio's Steve Irwin Memorial Pong Tournament 2006!

Final Thought

2006-09-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

A big thank you to all of the participants and fans. It was a great tournament and I hope we see you again next year.

Now get back to work. Please.

Who's The Big Winner?

2006-09-25T17:55:00.000-07:00

Shelley Campbell walked out of Centre Court $66 wealthier by owning the winning combination of Toss It-over-Junkiebone.

Congratulations, Shelley.

Somebody please escort Shelley to her car tonight.

Biggest Crowd Outburst Of The Day

2006-09-25T17:53:00.000-07:00

When Dougie took a rifle shot in the pills. No joke.

Zing!

Everything was magnified today. That was the heaviest hit in the tournament, bar none.

Celebrity Sighting: Dovi Anderson

2006-09-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

Holy cats! Jonny Tal and Dovi were both on hand to pass the torch.

Great to see you, Dovi. When are you coming back to the real studio?

End Of The Tout

2006-09-25T17:42:00.000-07:00

Resident Gimp Kane Brassington avoided surgery today (seriously - they were planning to insert a plate into his leg), but was still unable to come to work, which is a shame, because I saw a lot of people out there clutching a lot of singles finding nobody to gamble with.

Final total: $12

Good enough for a matinee and some popcorn.

Three cheers for a full and speedy recovery for Kane.

Unprecedented Turnout

2006-09-25T17:39:00.000-07:00

Special thanks to everyone who showed up to Championship Day. We made a rough count and estimated 50-60 people in attendance. That may not seem like a huge number, but there's one thing you must remember: There was no booze served at this event.

Unbelievable!!

Today's Action: Day 14 Results!

2006-09-25T16:06:00.000-07:00

Game 1:

Toss It (Jean/Mike B) vs. Junkiebone (Doug/Joel)

What a great day for pong!

The sun was out, the crowd was in full voice, and the competitors were walking the razor's edge. This was the moment. This would decide the champion. Would we have a tight game? Would we have one game or two? Would age win over beauty? Would the boys beat the girl? Would Joel or Jean have their name inscribed on the trophy twice?

If I told you that I had no idea what to write about this game, you'd have to believe me. I'm stumped! It was that good. Words are quite inadequate to describe the action.

Let's start here: this was, by far, the most exciting game of the tournament. I might also go so far as to say that it was the most exciting game of any tournament. No easy points. At least half of the points were won off slams. Nearly every rally was 5 or 6 returns long. All the players were hustling around the court. The entire playing field was in action. The crowd was going ballistic. The biggest lead, if memory serves, was about three, but evaporated quickly enough. No clear advantage for either team. Neither team looking weaker than the other. Every point hotly contested. Neither team giving an inch.

The previous paragraph is a complete grammatical abortion, I know, but eloquence, if I ever had any, has abandoned me like my youthful good looks and my first wife.

Finally...finally...after what felt like a million heart-renching volleys, we got to deuce. Deuce!! In the championship pair! At this point, the crowd was like an over-stimulated mob. I glanced over at Ralves and Steve G and saw something that looked a little like this:

I think you know what I mean.

So, yeah, deuce. We'd only seen it once before in the tournament and it was nearly too much to bear. This, though...this was most definitely too much.

Not just one deuce.

Not two.

Not three.

Not four. Holy cat's pajamas!! Half the crowd felt like they were undergoing Malaysian Chest Implosion Torture! Adam York started dividing down the middle like a single-celled organism. I nearly puked all over Steven Q.

Five deuces!! Five! I finally did puke on Steven Q.

Aaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!

Toss It over Junkiebone
27-25

The Pong Gods were smiling on the fans today (except, of course, for Steven Q - sorry), because we would be treated to...

Game 2:

endurance |enˈd(y)oŏrəns|

noun

the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way : she was close to the limit of her endurance.
• the capacity of something to last or to withstand wear and tear.

Endurance.

Yes, folks, endurance. It makes me sad to say, but endurance is the bugaboo of the elderly and the province of the young. Just as the older folks in the crowd lost a touch of gusto during the second game, so did Junkiebone. Toss It took the lead on the second service set and never relinquished it or gave any amount of hope to their opponents. After the game, I overheard Joel confide to Doug that after Game #1 he was wiped out. No shame there.

Toss It over Junkiebone
21-11

Let's put a little more shine on Toss It's victory:

- Seven games in four consecutive days.
- Seven consecutive games played. Toss It was a part of every game played since Wednesday. No days or games off.
- Seven straight victories.
- Seven straight elimination game victories. Had they lost any of them, they would have been out of the tournament, including Game #1 today.

Wow.

Bravo.

Things Jonny Tal Wants You To Know

2006-09-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

I've just been informed by Jonny Tal that Jonny Tal is not nervous and that Jonny Tal was not admitting yesterday that Jonny Tal is expecting to choke in Game 1 today. On the contrary, Jonny Tal says that Jonny Tal is expecting to win the tournament today...

Wait a second. This happened last year. Jonny Tal is not in the championship pair this year.

My bad.

How's The Championship Pair Looking?

2006-09-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

A little something like this:

Titans collide!!

I wouldn't miss this one if I were you.

Junkiebone vs. Toss It!

4:35!

Hyperbole!

2006-09-22T18:19:00.000-07:00

Holy cow! I just crapped my pants thinking about the Championship Matchup!

Toss It!

Junkiebone!

Jean!

Mike B!

Doug!

Joel!

Old school vs. Half New School!

Two former champions!

Two non-former champions!

I can't stop using exclamation points!!

The Tout Board

2006-09-22T17:58:00.000-07:00

Tiny Tim still on the disabled list. Perhaps we'll see him Monday for one last hurrah.

Running total: $12

Today's Action: Day 13 Results!

2006-09-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

Game 1:

Toss It (Jean/Mike B) vs. Lollipop Guild (JParm/JBrown)

The winner of this game would be the winner of the Loser's Bracket and earn the right to play Junkiebone in the finals. Lollipop Guild traveled deeply into the Winner's Bracket, losing only in the last pairing. If they won, it would be a rematch with Junkiebone for the title. Toss It playing their fifth game in three days, have battled back from the edge of elimination time and time again playing a slew of hotly contested games with no easy victories. Two of the best teams in the tournament, head to head, winner take all, loser goes home. This one, as they say, had all the makings. Would Toss It be worn out from all of the tension or battle tested and stoked on momentum? Would Lollipop Guild be too complacent, never having stared elimination in the face before or would their confidence be the ingredient to stopping Toss It's bum-rush to the top?

The points were tight, the action very fast, but Toss It was able to pick their way to an 8-point advantage that they weren't about to relinquish. Lollipop Guild dug themselves too deep a hole to come back from. They weren't as sharp as they could have been and Toss It couldn't have been much sharper.

Toss It was one point away from elimination without any tournament wins two days ago (remember back to their match with Roscoe P. Coltrane and how they had lost advantage at deuce!) and now they're in the Championship Pair. Unbelievable. Nobody predicted that. Now it's Junkiebone's turn to face the juggernaut.

Toss It over Lollipop Guild
21-12

Two (Or Three) Games Left!

2006-09-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

Too much excitement? You be the judge. Today's game features the newly unstoppable force against the yin/yang of roboticism and hilarity. Toss It vs. Lollipop Guild. The winner will face Junkiebone in the championship pair on Monday!

Zounds! See you out on the court today for a hi-toned battle of wills!

The Tout Board

2006-09-21T18:26:00.000-07:00

Tiny Tim remained home to day to convalesce. No bets today.

Today's Action: Day 12 Results!

2006-09-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

Game 1:

Toss It (Jean/Mike B) vs. Tres Huevos (Jance/Clemens)

Would someone please wake up Clemmy!

The man looked downright sleepy out there today and unfortunately, it was elimination day. I wish I had something more exciting to write, but this one was over right after it started. Toss It blew out to a quick 7-1 lead and the game didn't get much closer. The Huevos nearly pulled into spitting distance at one point, but it was short lived. Toss It had it and Tres Huevos didn't.

Toss It over Tres Huevos
21-11

Game 2:

Toss It (Jean/Mike B) vs. The Dooze (Jonny/Blaise)

In reference to Jonny's pants:

Rally Chimp: "Are those the pants of a champion?"
Jonny: "They're better than Kirk's!"
Joel: "He's right!"

Ok, onto the action.

If we had a radar gun, we would have been able to quantify how much faster this game was played over any other in the history of the tournament. I'm not saying that the game was over quickly. I'm saying that the ball was moving! Every shot was hit hard and fast and on the table. It was also the most athletic game I've seen. Everyone was everywhere on the court! Lots of movement, lots of speed, lots of excitement. I'd say that the action was fast and furious, but that phrase has been co-opted by Hollywood and I just won't use it. Unless Paul Walker was playing, which he wasn't. Or if Jessica Alba asked me to, which she didn't.

About halfway through this game, and it was subtle enough that you may have missed it, Jeremie and Ralves saved many lives. The game was so intense and so pressure-packed that people were starting to have physiological trouble. Mel sat next to me and was starting to look like a fish out of water, gasping for air, Steven Q wadded his shirt in his hands like his bowels were obstructed, JBrown was frantically rummaging through his pants pockets for his heart pills, and miles away, as he was recuperating, Kane's ankle inexplicably swelled up to the size of a ripe melon. Just when it looked like all was lost, Jeremie and Ralves succumbed to gravity and almost wound up on their rears as Court #2 miraculously slid out from under them. The screech of metal on pavement was nasty enough that the crowd was temporarily distracted enough for five or six points to go by unnoticed, allowing their bodies to normalize. Hooray! The game continued its frenzied pace through to the end, safely and without the need for paramedics (Sorry, Heather).

Great times.

Toss It over The Dooze
21-12

Toss It wins an unprecedented four games in two days. Congratulations.

Judge Tal

2006-09-21T15:30:00.000-07:00

Jonny Tal says that you're all going down. Anyone have any objections?

- image by Ralves

It's Coming Down To The Wire!

2006-09-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

If you've only been a casual observer, now is the time to really get focused. There are five teams left in the tournament and every game will be jam-packed with excitement. Grab your singles and be ready to bet. Grab your wig so it doesn't fly off.

Game on!

Teams remaining:

Junkiebone (winner of the Winner's Bracket)
Lollipop Guild
The Dooze
Tres Huevos
Toss It

Tout Down!

2006-09-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

Only serious injury could keep Kane away from wagering and that's just what happened. He broke his ankle and will now be playing Tiny Tim in this year's Christmas Pageant.

Repeat after me: "God bless us, every one!"

No money in, but plenty of insurance money out.

Today's Action: Day 11 Results!

2006-09-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

Game 1:

Toss It (Jean/Mike B) vs. Roscoe P. Coltrane (Ryan/Jeremie)

Best game ever and it spawned the best quote ever.

"Shut Up!"
- Jean Shen

First deuce of the tournament. First team uniforms of the tournament. First pants-peeing of the tournament (the puddle was unattended, so we can't assign ownership). If you were there, you know what I'm talking about. If you missed it, you picked a bad day to be out taking a constitutional and have no idea what I'm talking about.

Yeah. Hello.

Toss It over Roscoe P. Coltrane
23-21

Game 2:

Toss It (Jean/Mike B) vs. Weenie Beenie (Nate/Jess)

Right off the bat, this game had no chance to hold the audience's attention. How could you top the previous game? Wolverines jumping through flaming hoops above the table? Yeah, that would be one way.

Toss It, warmed up and ready to go, started through Weenie Beenie like a hot knife through soft butter. Ouch. They opened a decent lead and everyone's attention seemed to wander, until the mob realized something very interesting. Weenie Beenie were starting to hold serve very, very well. If they could steal a few points off the opposition's service, they could catch up. Jess and Nate put on a display of team service that I feel is the best we've seen. I think they were getting four out of every five. They tied it up! For the love of Mary Jane Girls! Comeback! Could we make deuce again? Two matches in a row?? Could Toss It withstand that sort of torque!

20-19! Weenie Beenie serving for deuce!!

Aww, nuts...

Toss It over Weenie Beenie
21-19

Wrong Sport, Right Idea

2006-09-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing this year's tournament is sorely missing, it's the pill shot. C'mon, folks. It's a spectator sport. It's entertainment. Give the crowd something to cheer about! Sure, blistering serves and impossible returns are fun and games, but nothing beats the pill shot on the comedy scale. America's Funniest Home Videos stayed on the air for a decade or more (is it still on the air?) feeding the nation an embarrassment of people getting hit in the peanuts by a nearly infinite array of devices and objects. We're not smart. We don't need Noel Coward out there. We need a small, orange sphere speeding into someone's dice cup.

You don't even need to hit a competitor! There are plenty of innocent bystanders standing very close by. A smorgasboard of targets. The least you could do is give us one money shot per day.

Please.

New Team Photographer!

2006-09-19T17:33:00.000-07:00

Marko is fired. Ryan Hood is the new photographer and the new Telly Savalas...unless I don't see any photos, then he's fired, too.

Welcome aboard, Ryan. Here's a lollipop...

The Tout Board

2006-09-19T17:30:00.000-07:00

Kane won $4 today, all coming in and none going out. It's turning into Sucker Showcase out there.

Running total: $12

Double digits!

Today's Action: Day 10 Results!

2006-09-19T17:08:00.000-07:00

Game 1:

The Dooze (Jonny/Blaise) vs. Ted Nougat (Adam/Guido)

Flashback!

"Adam's heretofore unseen slamming prowess was nothing that anyone would have predicted. I'll give you that. But let's talk about Guido."

Yeah, well that was yesterday, people. We were treated to a pong spectacular yesterday, but yesterday's gone and today is a new day and we've got one less team in the tournament. Not sure where the love or the mojo went, but it was not Ted Nougat's day. Their strategy was impeccable, albeit very obvious, as everyone in the stadium was yelling, "Hit it to Blaise's backhand!!" It worked to perfection (can you say, "Major weakness?") when the ball stayed on the table, but alas, it didn't stay on often enough. I really thought that Adam was ready to tear his own head off his own neck. I have a feeling it was that Wisconsin Opry shirt he was wearing. Honestly, who wears that to an elimination game? Sure, in the first round, when you have a loss to give, it's fine. In the Loser's Bracket, though? It's like trying a new hairstyle before your wedding, isn't it? You wear your orange, you wear your black, you wear your G. G. Allin, but....Wisconsin Dells? Maybe it's so high-ended a strategy that I can't get my smooth brain around it. It's possible. I'm as sharp as a marble sometimes.

The Dooze over Ted Nougat
21-17

Hard To Believe

2006-09-18T17:47:00.000-07:00

Not a single pill shot today. None. Zero. Nil.

A sad day for pong. Maybe you people can focus a little more tomorrow. Jeepers...

Celebrity Sighting: Michael Cullen

2006-09-18T17:42:00.000-07:00

Great to see you out there, Michael!